Can’t Give It….
Not long ago a wise friend of mine made a statement that has stuck with me and is changing the way I see a lot of things. Because of this statement so many things make a lot more sense now, and has helped me to better accept others for who they are, what they do and what they say. The statement that was shared with me was “You can’t give what you don’t have”. It took a few days for this to sink in so to speak and slowly it began to come into full light for me.
Often times in a relationship we become frustrated, angry, bitter, and resentful because we are not getting what we need or want out of the relationship. Sometimes we might verbally attack and accuse, other times we might hold it all in until we explode and we just end up making the relationship worse instead of better.
We may desire that special closeness that some people have with their parents. You know the healthy relationships that you see others have with their mom or dad… or maybe it’s a special closeness you need/want with your spouse or significant other. But for some reason we are always left with that unfulfilled feeling and your heart aches from it. I know I have had these feelings, and I still deal with them. It’s a struggle at times and I find myself becoming resentful even angry which is NOT good for me or them.
So what do we do? I challenge you to think about this statement “you can’t give what you don’t have”. Try to think about this: Are they equipped to give you what you need/want? What was their childhood like? Did they suffer from abuse in their life? Have they healed from the tortured emotions it left behind? Have they been given the tools to change their behavior? Are they stuck in a pattern that they have never been able to let go of? It could be that at this point in their life they are not able to give you what you need/want and YOU are not able to make or force that change for them. You are only able to change yourself and how you approach it, your attitude.
This is NOT an easy thing to accept, the fact that perhaps this person(s) will never be able to fulfill those needs for you… but we look to change ourselves and how we can accept it and do what is necessary for us to stay healthy.