Thoughts on Shame
Toxic Shame: Believing I am Bad!
In the past shame crippled my thought process and my belief of who I was. I thought I was a ‘nobody’, that I was not worthy of any praise, compliments and certainly not worthy of a healthy love. I believed ALL the negative garbage others said to me or about me. After all it must be true because those I looked up to the most were the ones telling me who I was. I felt like I couldn’t make anyone happy, I always let them down, I never live up to their expectations and they ALWAYS let me know about it, they don’t let me forget. This sort of thinking paralyzed my emotional growth. How could I possibly become healthy emotionally if I truly believed I was BAD!
It took a very long time for me to come to the place that I realized something wasn’t right. I had to replace all the old tapes in my head that told me the lies about myself and my self worth. It wasn’t until I was almost 40 years old that I began to change these thoughts. It took a lot of hard work on my part and it was very difficult. It also took a lot of prayer, a lot of support from friends and a good Christian counselor. Even today almost 15 years later there are times I still struggle and the old unhealthy belief system tries to push its way back into my thought process.
When we are continually told these things we actually begin to believe they are true, especially as young children. Think about it, what are we telling our children? They are under our care we are responsible for them. We help shape their lives emotionally and spiritually. If we continually call our children names or tell them they are bad, they WILL begin to believe all the garbage they are fed. When that belief system is engrained in their minds, if is not unusual for them to begin to act out on those beliefs.
We must be aware of what we are saying to our children and grandchildren.
Do we praise them each day? (Find something good to say about them DAILY)
Do we tell them we love them on a daily basis? (Three simple words I LOVE YOU can change their world)
Do we give them healthy hugs? (SHOW them we love and care about them)
Remember OUR words are forming THEIR belief in themselves.